Etiquette When Attending a Celebration of Life of Life Celebration

What to Wear ~ What Not to Wear

It is important to be respectful regarding attire at a Celebration of Life or Life Celebration.
The host may have a special request such as wearing the person of honour’s favourite colour etc. or themed clothing or accessories – if this is the case, then go for it!
If the host has not made a specific attire request, then traditional funeral attire is suggested such as wearing black or darker colours such as charcoal gray or navy blue; it is still considered respectful and customary. Other conservative tones are acceptable as well. Ensure your outfit represents the image you want to present to all.
Etiquette experts all agree that mourners should avoid skimpy outfits, the just-rolled-out-of-bed-look, belly baring shirts, buttock baring pants, torn jeans, shorts, t-shirts with logos, flip flops etc. (unless requested by the host).
Wear weather & location appropriate clothing ~ Is the celebration inside or outside? Is it in a church or at a park? Make sure to keep this in mind and choose clothing and footwear that is appropriate for the venue.
Speaking of shoes... Wear comfortable shoes, you will likely be standing and it's not a fashion show. Your new Louboutins may be totally fabulous, but the focus won't be on your shoes at this event. And if you are walking or standing a lot, it's much better to be focused on the people speaking then on how badly your feet hurt! Definitely do not wear stilettos or thin heels if you will be walking in grass, on pebbles etc.

Be On Time

It is appropriate and respectful to arrive on time at the venue. Late arrivals are a distraction to those who are already in attendance, and can draw attention away from the celebration of the person being honoured. Some celebrations are drop in events, if this has been indicated on the invitation then you may drop in anytime during the celebration.
If you cannot avoid a late arrival, make every effort to avoid disturbing the proceedings.

When Entering a Venue

When entering a venue, should there be a Guest Book, please be sure to sign it. The Guest Book is a nice memento for the family and can provide important information for thank you notes etc.
Introduce Yourself move through the Receiving Line, if there is one, unless you know the family well, be sure to go through and introduce yourself. Even on a good day it can be difficult to recall a name or face out of context, with emotions more intensified this can be even more difficult. Be sure to introduce yourself by saying “I am not sure if you remember me, but I am Lisa Smith and our children go to school together. I was so sorry to hear about your mother”.

Say something Nice

When attending a Celebration of Life, the best thing to express your feelings is to be genuine with your words, the best advice is to keep it simple and positive.
What Not to Say: Speaking to a grieving friend or family can be difficult because you know they are grieving and you would like to provide comfort. Sometimes we struggle with what to say, while we may have the best intentions, there are clichés or sayings that grieving families do not want to hear such as “I know how you feel”, “What did they die of?”, “It was a blessing in disguise”, “You’ll find someone new”, “now they are in a better place”. “It’s awful, but when your time is up”, “Be sure to stay busy, they say that is the best way to get through it”, “At least he/she went peacefully”, “You must stay strong through this”, “At least he/she is no longer in pain”, “It is truly sad he/she died so young”, “Only the good die young” [1]

Express Your Sympathy

It can be very difficult to know what to say to a grieving family or friend however you can show that you are thinking of them and sympathizing with them. It is important to know that regardless of how you choose to show your sympathy, nothing you do or say can make them feel better. Expressing signs of sympathy is letting the family know you are thinking of them.
Ways to express sympathy can be:

- Making a donation to a charity that was important to the the person ~ this can be done at the Celebration of Life/Life Celebration.
- Sending flowers to a grieving family.
- Sending a sympathy gift.
- A handwritten sympathy card with a sincere note .
- Doing an act of kindness in a person’s memory.

Sympathizing with Technology

With technology and digital media today it is important to be considerate of the grieving family. Online Memorial Guest Books ~ Not all Guest Books are created by the family, some can be generated by the funeral homes, newspaper obituaries and social media. Wherever you leave a message for the family, be sure the family has created or approved the social media.
Emailing Condolences ~ While some may be comfortable with emailing words of sympathy, Peggy Post, director and spokesperson for the Emily Post Institute says “When your usual correspondence with a bereaved friend is by email, you can precede a phone call or written condolence with an email—an immediate and non-intrusive way to let him know you are thinking of him. Follow an emailed message with a handwritten note and, whenever possible, attend the funeral or visitation.”[2]

Smartphone/Cellular Phone

It is important to turn your phone off or to put it on silent and keep it in your pocket or purse, your attendance is to show respect to the family, their friends and the person being honoured.
At no point should you use your phone to text, use social media, play games or especially take a phone call.

Children

Parents need to use discretion, not all children are ready to face death, the child’s age should be considered.
Children should be encouraged to attend the ceremonies of a family member or close friend.
If you are planning on bringing your child, please be respectful of the eulogies, speeches etc. if there is a formal portion, preferably sit in an isle seat so that if your child is crying, screaming or making distracting noises, you have the opportunity to remove them from the situation, go for a little stroll etc.
It is a good idea to pack and bring a quiet activity the child/children can enjoy. You may wish to pack a drink and quiet little snack as appropriate.

Forever Hold Your Peace

The key to etiquette is to focus on upon the person being celebrated and honoured. The feelings and opinions of those in attendance should not detract from that focus.
It is not a time to mention grievances, grudges or to create drama. The focus is on the person being celebrated in a positive way and not on others.

Thank You Cards

The bereaved have many things to do such as grieving and managing family, legal and estate matters. Guest should not expect a thank you card from those who simply attended a funeral or Celebration of Life to honour the deceased.[3] This can extend to flowers, meals or other things you may have done to illustrate your support during this time of loss. Give them a pass on the handwritten note this time.[4]

[1] Rosalinda Randall, Etiquette Expert and Author of Don’t Burp in the Boardroom,

[2] Emily Post, The Emily Post Institute, Advice Funeral Etiquette: At the Service

[3] Adeoadata Czink, found of Business of Manners (http://www.businessofmanners.com)

[4] Ibid.